dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
