mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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