i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
