i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
