me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
