im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
