And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
