As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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