My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dicks are not precious.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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