Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
