Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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