I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
