if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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