I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
