You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
