At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
