I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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