I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
