we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
