margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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