there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
