Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
