I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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