im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
