i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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