I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
