I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
