he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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