If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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