ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
