One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
