you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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