I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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