She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
