are you still at the devil's house?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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