WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
