Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
