Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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