Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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