wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
