there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
