I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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