my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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