I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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