Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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