I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
