He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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