U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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