Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
