I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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