He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
