I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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