just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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