just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I smell stomach acid.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
