First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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