I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
