Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
