So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
