Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
