You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
