He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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