The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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