she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
